Tuesday, September 13, 2005

From the Bowels of the Internet

Not too long ago I hooked this blog up with some code from the wonderful people at StatCounter. This gives me information on who visits the blog, where they visit from, accurately counts the number of visitors, etc. It has become my joy, of late, to check on the google searches people use to find this blog. Yes, sometimes the blog is listed on page 128 or so of these searches, but people find it nonetheless. Who searches 100 pages of google results anyway? Well, crazy people do. And lots of crazy people stumble upon this blog. Here are some of my favorite searches:

"illegal turtles from chinatown" -- If there's one thing I hate about Chinatown, it's all those freakin' turtles.

"naked gathering photos" -- Can't say I've posted any of these, but if you're interested....

"i put the grrr in" -- Thanks a lot, Grace. You've led them to me!

"my parakeet squeaks" -- I'm sorry to hear that. Have you thought about having it killed?

"i luv jeremy" -- As do I. Will you be my internet girlfriend?

"mormon pornstar" -- Really, I'm flattered.

"brittany spear's wedding dress" -- Okay, let's make one thing clear: I have never once mentioned Brittany Spears on this blog, nor do I ever plan to. Where is this coming from?!

"fleshy entrails" -- My god! What are you looking for man? Whatever it is, I don't have it!

"nipples on pornstars" -- To save you the trouble of further inquiries: Yes, pornstars have nipples.

"meth vomit blood" -- Okay, I brought that one upon myself.

"Peta and snickers" -- The Ethical Treatment of Animals and a delicious, nougaty snack. There's a combination everyone can enjoy.

How I love it all! The more deranged people of the internet find my blog, the happier I am. To encourage more of these searches, here are some suggestive keywords:

FUNGUS TICKLE, FAT DUNG LOVE, HAIRY BUTLER SLAP, SALIVATING CHAMBER MAIDS, TEEN FETUS ENVY, and so on.

That should keep 'em busy.

10 comments:

Kris said...

Please say that some of this tall tale is exaggerated.

Well, save the "Mormon pornstar" search. I'll just fess up right now and let you know that one was mine.

hillary said...

it makes me ashamed to say it, but I found your blog with the next blog button. Now I wish I'd found it in a much more interesting way. Boy, are my cheeks red.

Kim said...

Hey, I thought I was you internet girlfriend.

Cheater.

NARDAC said...

I used to Number 1 on google for "Mummy's Dirty Panties." Now I can content myself with a page 2 placement for "Marat Safin's girlfriend" and No. 1 placement on Google for "inherited pedophilia." fun fun fun

Jeremy said...

kris: hah! I KNEW it was you.

ingrid: The next blog button is a scary thing. Whenever I use it, I stumble into brightly lit, difficult to navigate anime pages. I'm surprised you found me.

kim: It's true, I have many many internet girlfriends. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't love them all.

Nardac: "Mummy's Dirty Panties!" That's fantastic. Wear that badge with pride.

grace said...

gawd. isn't statcounter the greatest?!

i love it!

except when i get the really gross searches.

and i never get how they find me when i'm like... #1067 for the search on ASSFUCKING. seriously.

heh. "i put the grrr in." what does that MEAN exactly?! is "grrr" a euphemism for something?! heh.

jess said...

i brought up chinatown and illegal turtles.... maybe i shouldn't let "them" know that you know??

NARDAC said...

hahaha, I just got someone with "Elastigirl rubbing butt!" Just had to tell you.

Jeremy said...

Jess: Ah-hah. That's where that came from.

Nardac: That's fantastic! I recall you writing a post about the Incredibles... perhaps someone has an Elastigirl fetish?

C.K. said...

no you didn't ingrid, you found it through me
*liar*

but this isn't about her

your blog is funny