Not too long ago I hooked this blog up with some code from the wonderful people at StatCounter. This gives me information on who visits the blog, where they visit from, accurately counts the number of visitors, etc. It has become my joy, of late, to check on the google searches people use to find this blog. Yes, sometimes the blog is listed on page 128 or so of these searches, but people find it nonetheless. Who searches 100 pages of google results anyway? Well, crazy people do. And lots of crazy people stumble upon this blog. Here are some of my favorite searches:
"illegal turtles from chinatown" -- If there's one thing I hate about Chinatown, it's all those freakin' turtles.
"naked gathering photos" -- Can't say I've posted any of these, but if you're interested....
"i put the grrr in" -- Thanks a lot, Grace. You've led them to me!
"my parakeet squeaks" -- I'm sorry to hear that. Have you thought about having it killed?
"i luv jeremy" -- As do I. Will you be my internet girlfriend?
"mormon pornstar" -- Really, I'm flattered.
"brittany spear's wedding dress" -- Okay, let's make one thing clear: I have never once mentioned Brittany Spears on this blog, nor do I ever plan to. Where is this coming from?!
"fleshy entrails" -- My god! What are you looking for man? Whatever it is, I don't have it!
"nipples on pornstars" -- To save you the trouble of further inquiries: Yes, pornstars have nipples.
"meth vomit blood" -- Okay, I brought that one upon myself.
"Peta and snickers" -- The Ethical Treatment of Animals and a delicious, nougaty snack. There's a combination everyone can enjoy.
How I love it all! The more deranged people of the internet find my blog, the happier I am. To encourage more of these searches, here are some suggestive keywords:
FUNGUS TICKLE, FAT DUNG LOVE, HAIRY BUTLER SLAP, SALIVATING CHAMBER MAIDS, TEEN FETUS ENVY, and so on.
That should keep 'em busy.