Thursday, March 16, 2006

Oh, Clipart

Sometimes when browsing the internet for stock images, I come across things that alarm and disturb me. For example, (a bloated mass of deranged drawings, endlessly being pumped out of some kind of work-house asylum) offered me the following:

I can't begin to explain what's wrong with this drawing. First of all, it is offensive to blenders. I refuse to believe that a device capable of delivering such delicious fruity beverages would have a second job as a murder chamber. That's so racist.

Secondly, it's offensive to gnomes. The tiny person inside the blender is clearly some kind of miniature forest creature. Leave the gnomes alone!

And lastly, this image is offensive to large women in yellow dresses. I'm so sick of that ridiculous stereotype. Not all yellow-dressed women use blenders as an implement of torture. What, do you think they spend all day in the kitchen? No. They've got successful, fulfilling careers, and surely can afford a decent pair of nipple clamps.

But maybe we should talk about the larger issue here. Judging by the expression on their face, the woman and her gnome-husband are really hurting inside. Was there a marital dispute? A death in the family? A problem with their tiny, elven children? Whatever the case, this couple needs to learn that one can't just make every problem go away by placing one's spouse in a blender. Sure, it seems like a clear-cut solution, but there are too many negative consequences. Like all the post-blend clean-up. Also, the smell.