I, Cellphone

Movies whose plots involve sinister, murderous androids, like “I, Robot,” “Terminator,” or “Sense and Sensibility” are really not that far-fetched. In these kinds of movies, humans become too dependent on electronic things and, in turn, are overwhelmed by technology. We deal with this reality every day—being way too dependent on technology, that is (not being gutted by metal men with Austrian accents). Most of us couldn’t function without modern conveniences. I mean, how could we live without our talking dishwashers, personal jet packs or robot butlers?

Or better yet, how could we live without our cell phones? A recent scientific study found that 85% of adults that are separated from their cell phones for more than 6 hours quickly succumb to madness and literally claw their own faces to the bone.

I barely escaped this fate Saturday when I found that my cell phone was missing. I woke up to knocks at the door by someone who had been trying to reach me by phone but had to end up stopping by after leaving three messages. When the visitor was gone, and I was awake enough to think coherently, I began to wonder why the sound of the phone hadn’t woken me. Then, after frantically searching about, I realized my phone was gone. [Gasp!]

This is not the first time I’ve misplaced my phone. But usually after a few minutes of panic, I end up finding it, albeit in strange places like the refrigerator. This time, though, my search came up empty. What was I to do? I felt so cut off from the rest of the world. I live alone and I don’t have a house line, so I couldn’t call anybody. Plus, I wouldn’t know anyone's number, since they’re all in my phone. These days, memorizing numbers is pointless when a machine can do it for you.

So where could the phone be? The last time I remember using it was the night before. But since then, I had gone to three different houses and been in three different vehicles. Heck, it could be anywhere! (Well, not really anywhere, just somewhere in those six locations).

So I drove to my friend’s house and used his cell phone to call around. Finally, after several long, excruciating MINUTES, I tracked the darn thing down. It was at some girl’s house which I had visited the night before in the a.m’s. I didn’t even remember her name, but she was nice enough wait for me to drive over and pick the phone up.

Sweet joy! We were at last reunited. I was complete again, no longer a stranger in this scary, empty world of ours. The whole ordeal only lasted a few hours, but now I am fully cognizant of how much I rely on this silly electronic device, how much I depend on its ability to connect me with people. I have no idea how, only a year ago, I was able to live and function as a productive human being without a cell phone. I can only guess it was a dreary, Amish-like existence, filled with nightmarish pay phone visits.

So yes, having a cell phone clearly indicates a powerful dependency on technology; an addiction to convenience, if you will. So what. Pass me the heroine, some Tab and a conference call. I’m riding this addiction to the end.