Some guy from Ontario was recently named the Rock Paper Scissors World Champion. Yes, it's true. They have a Rock Paper Scissors world competition. This just goes to show they will have a world competition on pretty much anything. Last month I met the 1996 World Yo-Yo Champion and let me tell you, being a world champion doesn't guarantee much success in life. If it did, you would not be entertaining small crowds of incoherant drunkards at an Oktoberfest in Utah.
But unlike Yo-Yo man, the RPS guy is still enjoying his moment of fame and the $7000 reward he got for all that strenuous hand-work. To be an RPS champion, you have to have a keen mind. It's like being a Chess master, if every chess game is played against lobotomized monkeys. And in a way, it's even more challenging than chess, because the hand positions require an opposable thumb. Sorry, monkeys.
You can read all about this skillful Canadian's victory on the official website of the RPS Society. The site has over a million hits, proving once again that the web was invented so people can waste their lives away. I am no exception. I have wasted many precious moments of my life (time which I can never get back) browsing this site and sharpening up my RPS skills. They have this groovy “Online Trainer” which pits you against an animated arm, eliminating the need for any human contact whatsoever.
This whole RPS thing has inspired me to take affirmative action. No, not to find an ethnic roommate, that's not what I mean. I've decided I need to be more proactive in my decision-making. From now on, everything I do will be determined by Rock Paper Scissors. And, just for fun, let's start right now: one, two, three, rock!
….Dammit I have to kill myself. Note to readers: don't make whether or not to commit suicide your first RPS decision. It was nice knowing you.
14 comments:
that site is AWESOME. it freakin' rocks.
there's a responsibility code page... how do world RPS player's find another RPS player? are there special codes like the christians used to have when they were being persecuted?
oh! they have a Great Moments in RPS... PICTURES! thank you, jeremy. thank you.
I've seen that commercial. I don't like the annoying announcer guy in the background, but I do like that enormous porcelain king. I would much rather have him in my bed when I wake up than, say, Ronald McDonald. Clowns are NOT funny.
HAHAHA You are so witty! I love it! And yes, that Burger King commercial is so bizarre... but in a good way... like everyone should wake up and have a giant, smiling, porcelain Burger King staring back at us, right? Right? :P
I wonder how big the rulebook is for the RPS Society? I mean do they have rules about carpal tunnel syndrome? How about a great RPS player who just happens to be missing a finger? And are they going to ever bring in the punch in the arm for losers like on the schoolground? I would think that if they had a more "extreme" version it would at least make it on ESPN2.
i'm a marketer's wet dream. all commercials are great to me, just about.
whenever i'm at a friend's or at a sports bar or whatever, i will watch the tv there for the commercials (no tv at home) ... and i crack up at EVERYTHING and i decide i need it. and i'm a sucker for infomercials, too.
I got my degree in Advertising--you definitely would make a marketer salivate.
My current favorite commercial is the one with the black woman walking down the street handing out bottles of coke while singing some gospel tune. She is adorable!
Oh yes, informercials. I once spent a summer watching infomercials every night--to help me sleep (back in those raver days, when sleep was often hard). It inspired me to write a short story, which got published, about an out of work infomercial actress. Infomercials are comedy without even trying.
Funny! My favorite commercial is the Old Navy one aobut air. I have even memorized it, I think it's that funny.
I have RPS would have to be my favorite sport, too... not a lot of panting.
i'll bet you that at the world championships of RPS, they sweat and pant. it's no joke!
at the scrabble championship, they were sweating and furrowing their brows. one of the players with a combover kept wiping his hands on the tablecloth.
and the prize for best commercial should really go the starbuck's frappocino temtations type people. or the eye of the tiger people. indeed.
I hope someone out there is slapping SCRABBLE!
And there are no funny commercials in france. Just lots of sex.
Don't think I've seen that one. Maybe it will come up while I'm watching "Lost" tonight. I'm addicted to that show.
Nardac: When I lived in France I remember a lot of advertisements featuring naked pregnant women. They were everywhere--advertising strange, unrelated things. There was a billboard with a naked pregnant lady holding two large paint brushes. The ad was for a hardware store. What does hardware have to do with being naked and pregnant? No one knows. I even saw a billboard that was a huge close-up of male gentitals. Don't ask me what it was for--but the genitals were blue and covered with ice for some reason. Perhaps America is overly conservative and prudish as many Europeans claim, but I am glad I don't have to look at naked pregnant women and frozen genitals all the time. Just not my cup of tea.
i LOVE that show... i can't wait to watch it... maybe tomorrow or friday... we have to er... acquire it first.
oh, the gieco commerical- tiny house. that would be my next favorite. i wish that really was a reality show... that'd probably be the only one i'd watch. :D
Well, you also don't get to look at numerous model's backsides modeling the new french lacy thongs. Though, it's quite grotesque and overrated.
When I mean sex, I mean there's nothing really erotic about it. Just a convenient and less conservative approach to showing skin, and other people's backsides. You can even see tits on the tv in the afternoon, for soap and shower aid ads.
But, let's face it. The french just aren't funny, except when they're complaining about not getting enough sex, which they are of course, loathe to do.
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