Michael Moore came to Utah yesterday to unleash some of his famous rhetoric, you know, the kind that gets people all up in arms. What does he talk about that is so controversial? Who can say, but my money’s on gardening.
This all came just in time. Word on the street was that many Utahans were suffering from and outbreak of Offensanemia (severe deprivation from offense.) Seems people hadn't been appalled or offended in weeks and everyone knows that being offended is like ambrosia for Utahans. They feed on it, drink in its juices. If Moore hadn’t shown up to fire up some long-needed righteous indignation amongst the starving populace, who knows what could have happened. An epidemic, I expect. That Michael Moore, always caring.
You see, some students at Utah Valley State College invited ol’ Moore to stop by and give a speech. Moore is currently on a tour where he riles up “slackers” by offering them Raman noodles and underwear if they will go out and vote. But why bother with Utah, Mr. Moore? Utah is going to vote Republican. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is here.
So, why try? Well, he did get $50,000 as a speaking fee, and heaven knows how many Twinkies that much money can buy him. If that’s not motivation, what is? And now people are angry. I can’t imagine why. If Republicans get to love Rush Limbaugh, why can’t the Democrats have their own angry fat man? But people were saying that 50k is way too much to pay. Mostly, they didn’t like the idea of a Liberal in Utah, sharing his filthy lies with impressionable students. An equal number of people were incensed at the first set of people. How dare anyone try to squelch free speech! All ideas should be shared and respected and whatnot. There you go: instant controversy.
To calm some of the outrage, and keep things “fair and balanced” (like that’s important), the UVSC student council also invited conservative talk show host and known douche-bag Sean Hannity to speak. Hannity came a couple weeks prior to Moore and didn’t charge ANYTHING for his blather. Too bad he left a $40,000 travel bill. Nice guy. Fortunately, a big chunk of these costs were taken care of with tickets sales. I thought about getting a ticket for Moore’s speech, but they were sold out within days of the announcement. For being so hated, Moore sure sells tickets!
So I tuned in on the radio. Pretty standard stuff. He hates Bush, the country is going to hell, Republicans are evil and corrupt, and so on. At one point he brought in a guest speaker, Roseanne Bar, a Utah native. I guess he figured, why have only one fat, loud person when you can have two? That’s good logic.
And so it goes. Moore is gone now. The youth are safe. Some people got to be appalled and offended again. Others got to hear alternative points of view. Everyone is happy. Me? I can tell you one thing. I’m not about to jump on Michael Moore’s bandwagon. With Roseanne Bar on it now, there just isn’t enough space. Have you seen that woman? Get a bigger wagon, Michael, and I’ll think about it.
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Postscript: Yes, this post is nothing more than a bunch of cruel fat jokes. I’m sorry, obesity is funnier than politics. If you’d like a better account of what happened, click here.
8 comments:
Michael Moore is a reactionary idiot. It was one of the biggest shames of Cannes this year that he won the Palme D'Or. What a mess.
I'm not pro-Bush, nor pro-Kerry. I think I'd shoot myself over the lack of choices if I lived in your country. Who can vote when there's no one to vote for and everything to vote against?
Moore typifies for me how stupid and arrogant the new left is. There is a sense that they have taken on the tactics of gonzo journalism, dried all the radicalism out of it, and spat out truisms that only serve a moralistic agenda.
If people actually stopped to think for themselves, they'd all decide not to vote out of protest, and they'd stop thinking Michael Moore was intelligent.
you guys deserve better. And yes, I'm a bloody Canadian and yes I was cheesed over his simplistic portrayal of my homeland.
Yes, the choices are indeed bleak, but nothing can be done at this point. If people didn't vote out of protest, then fanatics would decide the election, and we wouldn't be any better off.
I thought it was hilarious that Moore won the Palm D'or. That's so french! You know, I love France and the french people, but I've never seen a larger bunch of conformists in my life. Last time I was there (last year) everyone I talked to thought the same thing--everyone on the T.V. said the same thing. They do crazy things like seriously violate freedom of religion by forbidding Muslim students to wear head wraps in public school--and everyone goes along with it! According to them, everyone who isn't Catholic or Jewish is in a cult. Silly French.
I like Canada. Everyone I know from Canada is absurdely patriotic. I think it's charming.
I don't know, I guess I was irritated at the whole Cannes thing because it revealed how Tarantino had hijacked the whole jury, thereby negating the idea of having a jury in the first place. It wasn't really like I was making a comment about the french so much as a comment about Cannes. It's like the Cannes people take chances with the jury every year, and some years it works, and some years it doesn't.
For example, last year, Elephant won the Palme D'Or and the jury was a made up of a cinematographer, steven soderbergh, several other guys, and Jean Rochefort, a very great actor. It made sense...there was cooperation between the sides and they came from more than one camp. And I agree with the decision. Elephant is one of the most striking films I've seen in a long time, certainly the coldest.
So to go for that kind of majesty to Moore's diatribe. pathetic.
Cannes stands for a different standard in filmmaking, something that seen in direct opposition to blockbusters or giant Hollywood budgets. It tries to cull as many gems from the international film market and show as much of them as possible. It is, in other words, the market for the film by an auteur. That, I hope, is something that will always be valued.
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On another note, Canadians are patriotic, but only when they leave the country. Inside, we're peachy keen and thus quietly content. And, if you're proud to carry things that can kill people, you're dropped off my radar for intelligence.
Ahh, the inner workings of the Cannes festival. I never saw Elephant, but I heard good things. I did see Farenheit 911, and wasn't that impressed. I assumed the French loved it because they are so blindly Anti-Bush, instead of intelligently Anti-Bush, like people should be.
Oh, and I'm not against Canadians, even when they're absurdely patriotic. I am sincere when I say I like them. Guns? Who said anything about guns? Oh, that was Mr. What.
well, i love michael moore. mostly because he ruffles the repubs' feathers a little. or a lot, depending on the repub.
i don't agree with everything he says or does, but if he can get even a handful of americans to think differently about the current administration, i think it's a job well done.
i believe a lot of people will vote for bush (or for kerry) just because they're a repub (or a dem) without really thinking about the candidates and what they may stand for or what they did in the past.
i'm not voting kerry because i'm a dem. i'm voting kerry because i hate what bush has done to our country - made it more paranoid, more hateful, less tolerant.
sorry. i'm okay now. back to the fat jokes, jeremy :P
clarification: the french most certainly do not unanimously like Farenheit 911, nor was it the french who decided that it receive the Palme d'Or. It was Tarantino who decided the Palme d'Or, as chairman of the jury at Cannes.
Ok, grrrrace, you might have a point about it being a useful film because it polarizes people and probably makes them vote. but that's so sad, that that's the state of democracy that people have to be beaten with a propaganda film to start thinking about how shit dangerous awful their president is. That makes me more angry than anything Bush has done, because Bush is only a symptom of what's wrong.
wow...how did I get that grumpy. Sorry to take up all your space ranting Jeremy. I'll back off now and go back to writing my daily knock knock jokes.
It's okay to be grumpy. We're grumpy-friendly here.
Michael More for President!!!
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