I'm glad Condie Rice is off chatting it up with the French, trying to patch up relations. I like the French. There's no good reason to hate them. If we have to hate a group of people why can't it be dwarves? They're smaller than us.
Which makes me think of a time when I was with my family, visiting my sister's friend in Northern France. Let's just call this friend, Pierre, since that's a safe, generic French name. Also, that's his real name.
So Pierre wanted to take us on a picnic up in Champagne country, not far from Reims where he lives. This was a good idea, because frankly, how many cathedrals do you have to look at before you just want to shoot yourself in the face? They're old and beautiful, we get it!
Picnics are nice, especially in the countryside where you can enjoy the scenery and the great food France has to offer. We headed to the market for supplies. But wait, says Pierre, that will take too long. There is too much to do and see up there in the vineyards. Let's just stop by “MacDo” (French for McDonalds) and save some time. This did not sound so great to us, but we went along with Pierre's wishes, fearful that angering him would lead to violence, as it so often does with the French.
We hiked up onto a ridge, toting McDonald's bags, and settled down at a scenic picnic area overlooking stretches of vineyards. Butt-ugly gargoyles couldn't hold a candle to this. It was fantastic. Then we heard the chortling. A group of natives at a nearby picnic table were pointing at our lunch and giggling freely. We overheard words like "Les Americains" and "MacDo" in all their mirth making. Of course this was hilarious to them. What do American tourists bring to the scenic French countryside? McDonalds. How quaint. Silly Americans and their gastronomic ineptitude.
One of them approached and asked if we had a corkscrew for their wine. We could barely get out a "No" before they all burst into laughter again. At this point, I wanted to slap these people. It wasn't OUR fault we looked like uncultured swine with McDonalds bags. It was Pierre's fault. PIERRE! One of your own! He did it! But we couldn't explain this without hurting Pierre's feelings, and on the other hand, who the hell cares? We enjoyed our MacDo and they sipped their wine and chewed their cheese. The vineyards were beautiful. It was a cultural experience.
I don't often find myself form-fitting a stereotype, but what can you do? At least I'm not a "cheese-eating surrender monkey," to quote the Simpsons. In fact, I've never surrendered to anything while eating cheese. Except maybe to deliciousness.
P.S. Apologies to the little people. You’re okay.
10 comments:
my question is weather or not the scoffers at the other table figured you for non french speaking americans, or if they just straight didnt care.
in other news, i still have some brass knuckles if you need me to go over there and straighten things out.
I don't think the French cared if we could speak the language or not. The situation was just too perfectly ripe for mockery.
You are welcome to go hurt them with your brass knuckles. You have my blessing.
Can I just say, jeremy, your posts are quite entertaining. Sometimes I feel odd reading someone's blog who doesn't know me, like I'm eavesdropping or something. I just like to see what people have to say. But as for this post... i honestly starting laughing beyond a quiet chuckle to the "deliciousness." It wouldn't be a problem... if i weren't sitting in a computer lab at school while others are writing papers. I just said... "you really should read this," and they rolled their eyes and got back to work. Much needed humor is some people's lives!
pffff, uncultured americans. :P
oh wait. that's me... son of a....
at any rate, i think that's funny... maybe your "friend" pierre set you up! those french are evil :P
i jest. i loved france... and i loved the people there. except for the woman who yelled at me. but i didn't know why she yelled at me. i think it was because i am american :P
LOL what a funny blog. I'm going to Paris for the first time this summer...I might just slap a Canadian flag on my shirt to avert any "stupid americans" comments.
AMG
http://anonymoustmidwestgirl.blogspot.com
When I go to London, I always have McDonalds because seriously, all the other food is awful.
But in France? Damn that Pierre. Perhaps he did it on purpose to keep alive the uncultured Americans stereotype.
london has bad food???
when we were there, we had the BEST indian food i've ever had ... EVER... no, really. it was so fantastic. and the fish 'n' chips i heard were REALLY good. we couldn't find a pub to go to. no, seriously. we were walking around and for some reason, the area we were in didn't have any pubs. i have no idea what that was about.
see: http://www.petiteanglaise.com/archives/2005/02/10/what-a-drague/
to find out why putting a canadian flag on your bag is NOT a good idea.
as for the frogs, they never make the mistake of seeing more cathedrals than Champagne bottles, even on Sunday.
This new comment system is much more practical. Not nearly as stanky as the old one.
Jess: Don't worry about bothering people around you...sure they SAY they're typing papers, but we all know they're really just looking at porn.
Midwest girl: Enjoy Paris! Check out the Pompidou center if you want to look at art that makes no sense and pretend that it speaks to you.
Kim: Fish and chips aren't bad...I mean it comes wrapped in a newspaper. How classy is that?
Grace: Indian food really is the best food in London. It's fast becoming one of my favorite things to eat.
Nardac: I think cathedrals are fabulous...to a point. And that point usually comes after looking at 3.
Mr.What: Yes, there is a 35 hour work week. Also, they want to make it shorter. From what I've seen, the French are on strike more than they are actually working. The worst one I saw was a bunch of firemen who were burning a huge pile of tires in the middle of the street. It smelled HORRIBLE. Made me feel real secure about them putting out fires.
I like the strike idea. I'm always thinking of reasons to go on strike. Maybe I'm really a French-woman in disguise.
Post a Comment