Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Nipples and Genitals

Genital mutilation isn't candy land, people, and lately I've been doing a lot of it. Digitally, that is. I make textbooks at work, and sometimes we have to "protect the innocence of the children." Translation: no naked Indians.

Seventeenth century woodcuts are easy to fake, being made up of scratches and lines. So off go the nipples, fuzz goes the peni, and kapow: genital free, non-offensive native people. If any American Indians are reading this, I'm really sorry for castrating your ancestors. It's the TEACHERS' fault. They're the ones that call up and complain that their students saw boobies. My hands are tied.

Still, I feel bad about it. I mean, who wants to be a eunuch? Speaking of eunuchs, is that even done anymore? Quick, someone pull up Google and find out.

Here's an interesting scenario: Let's say that the population of the Earth is nearly wiped out by some catastrophic event and thousands of years later people find ancient ruins which they use to try and understand our 21st century society. And say that these ruins just happen to be the remnants of the Playboy mansion and the only images these future-people have to judge us by is porn. When THAT stuff goes into the textbooks, will they neuter everyone? And how would that make you feel? (When I say "you" I'm referring to porn stars, which I assume frequent my blog regularly).

Which brings me to my next point: If the only reason you are reading this blog is because you looked up "nipples and genitals" on the internet, I say shame! There is much more to life than what's between your legs. Now hold still, let me snip that off for you.

4 comments:

grace said...

oh, snap. this made me giggle!!!

NARDAC said...

well done mormon boy. Now you're gonna get people navigating to your page looking for "indian" "playboy" "nipples" "genitals" and "peni." Watch that hit counter go kaboom!
As for eunuchs, I believe there was a story recently about the genital mutilation atrocities performed by american soldiers in Iraq.

I'm sure if somebody finds our civilization, long after we're doomed and gloomed, that they'll just see so much junk all over the place. They'd be too confused and would conclude that our civilization died because of some collective madness and incoherence.

or perhaps aliens can read at 70,000 blogs/second and they'd be able to make one master blog in 10 minutes... gosh, I'm spouting.. sorry.

Quyen said...

I'm glad you finally acknowledged the large following of porn stars that read your blog. For awhile, I was feeling a bit unrepresented there ;)

Jeremy said...

Grace: always happy to make you giggle

Nardac: actually, the american soldiers in Iraq didn't mutilate the genitals, they just pointed at them. I hear it was all just a sex-ed video that got out of control.

Quyen: I know, it was overdue. If only your fellow porn stars would comment a bit more, instead of spending all their time making porn.