I spent the weekend at my friend’s cabin in the mountains. Because of Pioneer Day, I had a three day weekend instead of two. Thank you pioneers. All your back-breaking labor got me a day off. You see? It was worth it.
But not everyone’s company likes the Pioneers. Only three of my friends got Friday off, so we decided to spend the day canoeing until everyone else arrived that night.
Unfortunately, we were faced with the task of getting the canoe from the cabin down the mountain to the lake. We had one car, mine, a 2004 Chevy Aveo. Think micromachine, only smaller. Don’t get me wrong, I love small cars (I bought the thing, didn’t I) but, admittedly, they do have a few disadvantages (like their inability to go fast on steep hills or the impracticality of putting gigantic canoes on their backs, for instance).
So my Aveo, which I’ve named Abob, had to somehow carry the canoe. To make matters much more daunting, we only had one old bungee cord and one small rope to attach the canoe to the car.
“Thank goodness I was a boy scout and learned all kinds of nifty knots.” That’s what I would have said had I actually remembered a single knot. But such was not the case. I mean, when do you really expect to use those things? My scoutmaster never once said to me: “Learn well, my son, for one day you will need to tie an enormous canoe to your tiny car.” So what motivation did I have? I mean the brain only has room for so much information and my knowledge of knots was replaced by Simpsons reruns long ago.
But, miraculously, we were able to secure the canoe and get down the mountain, although we did have to stop several times to readjust it and were waylaid once by mountain hicks looking for their dog. The whole thing looked pretty comical, as you can see from the picture below.
I guess the lesson in all this is that even if you’re small, it doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish great things. But that lesson is sappy enough to induce vomiting. So here’s a better lesson: If you’re going to design a canoe, design it with hinges. That way it can fold up all compact-like and be put in your glove compartment. You gotta look out for Abob.