Iraq and Roll

There was a time when country singers sang about respectable things, like their truck breaking down or their dog running away. But now this is all changing. Personal drunken observations no longer make acceptable lyrics. Now country singers are expanding their horizons, looking beyond the farm, small town or rodeo at the larger picture.

That's why all country songs are now angry, patriotic anthems about 9/11.

I know this because I watched a Fourth of July fireworks display at a small amplitheatre in Clearfield, Utah. At the rate these songs were being spit out over the crackly loudspeaker, there must have been hundreds of them. Thousands!

Now let us not rush to judgement and assume that these songs have no redeeming value. In fact, I learned a lot about America while listening to these tunes. Here are a couple interesting facts:

1) I had always assumed that the "American Way" was to pursue life, liberty, and happiness in an environment free of dictators and despots; to be a glowing example of democracy and goodness to the world. But I was wrong. Ignorant, and wrong. You see, the true American Way is to put a boot in someone's ass. It's so clear now. What was I thinking?

2) And as long as we're at war with SOMEONE, we're on the right track. This is a good life lesson. For example, If someone robs your house and gets away, you're going to be angry. And the best way to deal with this anger is to attack some other guy you don't like, whether or not he had anything to do with it. Because, after all, he's a big jerk anyway and had it coming.

And that's just few drops out of an ocean of knowledge one can get by listening to Country. Now I'm going to have to listen to it all the time. Good thing I live in Utah where you only have to give the radio dial a couple twists before hitting a country station. In California, I had to give the dial a good whirl before I found anything in ENGLISH. And let's be honest: Spanish just doesn't cut it. Never once have I heard a mariachi song about Iraq. Get with the program you sombrero wearing peace mongers!