Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Me vs. The Lawn

Now that I have my own house, I find that I have to take care of things I never had to bother with before. There's quite a bit of upkeep involved with a house that one never has to worry about in an apartment. For one thing, I now have to mow the lawn.

Big deal, you say. Well, when you're lawn-maintenance-retarded, like me, these things ARE a big deal. You see, I never had to mow a lawn before in my life. Back in California, there was an abundance of a certain ethnic group that was always more than willing to mow it for me. Not so in Utah.

It took me three weeks after moving into my house to buy a lawn mower. By then the grass had pretty much taken over. The weeds themselves were taller than Shaq. But I hacked and slashed my way through it, filling up 12 large bags with mutilated lawn waste. By the time I was finished, I vowed to go back to California and kidnap some gardeners.

Long story, short--They fought me off with their rakes and their hedge clippers and I barely escaped with my life.

Here's my point: I think it's high time someone invented some kind of potion that stunts grass growth. I mean, we must have similar potions already out there. How else do you explain Gary Coleman?

4 comments:

Kristin said...

yeah mowing the lawn isn't fun....that is why i have someone else do it....i don't mind paying them...because if i get too hot i get sick...maybe there is a junior high age kid in your neighborhood who would do it...

wilkesyachtingco said...

the secret is to bypass the bags... that is where the unnessicary labor comes in. if youve got yourself a mulching type mower, then eff the bags. if not, well then, you bought the wrong kind of mower.

Jeremy said...

The mower has a "mulch kit" apparently. Here's the thing: I have no idea what that means. I'm assuming it cuts up the grass and spits it back onto the lawn? If so, wouldn't it make it so there's lots of grass everywhere? It's all so mindboggling.

wilkesyachtingco said...

i think that it just means that the little peices of cut grass is kept in the chamber with the spinning blade, thus allowing them to be cut, and recut untill they are to small to see. you do have to mow slower though, and if the grass is really long, then well, you might have to bag it...