Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Old School Frozen Syrup Revelations

There’s a lot of hype going on right now over the new movie, “Alexander." Greeks are threatening to sue Oliver Stone because he depicts the famous conquerer as bisexual. Stone claims there is ample historical evidence for this inclusion, but these Greeks disagree. I think they’re both wiggling around the REAL issue here. This shouldn’t be about whether Alexander the Great had the occasional man-friend. What we should really be worried about is Alexander the GRAPE, the Otter Pop. Think about it. Alexander the Grape was purple, a gay color if I’ve ever seen one. Plus, he tasted FRUITY. Can the evidence be any more blatant? Now that I think about it, Sir Issac Lime and Little Orphan Orange were a little iffy themselves. I always suspected there was something strange about those delicious frozen snacks, but never this. Never this!


j.i.g. said...

Also, all Otter Pops are essentially sweet, delicious phalluses. (Phalli?) I used to have a T-shirt that had a picture of the Strawberry Pop, and underneath, "Otter Pops: Suck One." My mom threw away that shirt. :(

Jeremy said...

I recall your mother also threw away that phrase "No Redeeming Value" from the front of your binder because she thought it would hurt your self esteem. I always thought that was funny.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your shirt -- it sounded cool.

grace said...

i need that shirt. i need it.

god, i'm needy.