Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Punch, Punch, Punch

Anyone who believes that the elderly rule the country have only to look to their nearest voting station for complete confirmation. We are at the mercy of the elderly when it comes to the electoral process--they're the ones with the time to volunteer at the polls. They can make all the mistakes they want and blame it on Alzheimer's. Fear the elderly.

The cranky old woman at the elementary school where I voted took five minutes to write down my name. Her hand was so shaky that single letters seemed to be a great task for her. She was often distracted, snapping at her co-volunteers and babbling with a neighbor who came in to say “hi.” I had to reign in my desire to snatch the paper from her and finish filling it out myself.

I did get to vote though, despite the old lady's best efforts. Which brings me to my next point: punch card ballots are the downfall of democracy. They are just TOO fun to punch. After voting for the candidates and issues I had actually researched (the president, the governor, and whether or not to keep putting fluoride in the water), I was left with a whole slew of names I knew nothing about. Perhaps the responsible thing would be to not vote any further, since whatever voting I did would be horribly misinformed. I don't like voting along party lines, so that wasn't the answer. But I couldn't go and leave the thing blank. It was calling to me to make little holes in it. So I punched away. Punch, punch punch. Who should be in the congress? Let's give the Libertarian a try, his name sounds fun. Punch, punch, punch. What about such and such council member? Let's go with the Green Party; it's a nice color. Punch, punch. Reverse fund allocation in district X? Sounds good to me. Punch, punch, punch.

Punching completed, I put my ballot in the slotted box and received what I had really come for: the coveted “I voted today” sticker. If self worth can't be measured by cute little stickers, what can it be measured by? I walked out of that elementary school feeling glorious. Thank God for the stickers. Thank God for democracy.

6 comments:

j.i.g. said...

Haha Jeremy, you should take your civic duty more seriously! Though I admit I am guilty of the same. I walked into the polling booth intending only to vote for the president, then I saw Mr. Spence's name on the ballot for Water Board. Felt conflicted for like 10 seconds because I didn't really know anything about what he was intending to do for the Water Board, but I voted for him anyway because he taught at our high school. :P

Oh, and apparently California has deprived us of the joy of punching, we use the "dots" system instead...

Jer said...

I kind of feel sad that I'm now registered in Utah. Although I've lived here for 4 years, I've always voted in California via absentee ballet (even for the West Covina School board, as if it will ever affect me again.) I plan on returning to Cali one day, but since I'll be in Utah for a while, I figured it was time to pay attention to it.

If you voted for Mr. Spence, the old German teacher, good job. He was a jolly old man. If you voted for his son, Mike Spence (the politician in the family), run in fear! I do not like that man.

j.i.g. said...

Bwahaha, I almost certainly must have voted for the politican son. This is what happens when uninformed people vote!

By the way, I totally agree with you on the sticker praise. It's just like the gold stars and happy faces of our elemetary school days...

grace said...

i didn't get no stinkin' sticker! not fair! i guess that's the problem with voting absentee... they should insert a sticker in there so you can feel like you're in the "in crowd" as well. that would be so SWEET! :P

Anonymous said...

Some of those old ladies are pretty stingy with the stickers...I didn't get one when I actually voted, so I went back and asked for one afterwards and jeez! Overprotective sticker mongers! Probably the Alzheimer's made them forget that they're not supposed to hoard the free stickers.
-kristen

Jer said...

I think they should make "brag-stickers" for more than just voting. Here's some I had in mind:

"I flossed today."
"I exercised today."
"I used my turn signal today."

People would be more inclined to do good things if they had stickers to flaunt it.