Saturday, September 25, 2004

Bad Button

There is a little bar on the top of my blog with a button labeled “next blog.” Clicking it will send you off to some other blog, chosen at random. I decided to give this a whirl, you know, see what's out there in cyberspace. Perhaps I would stumble upon something truly engaging, hilarious, educational and/or inspiring. Well, turns out it was all a big lie.

Never push that button. Sure it looks innocent and unassuming, but so does Miracle Whip, which is really just rancid chalk.

“Come on,” the button may coo. “Push me. You know you want to. Aren't you curious? It's just one little click of your mouse. What could it hurt?”

Don't listen to the talking button! Call me naïve, but I thought the point of having a blog was to communicate some message to an audience. But 90% of what I read during my little browsing session was completely unreadable.

To be fair, I realize that there are people who are born with severe punctuation disorders. While some people are born without limbs, others are born without the ability to use periods, spaces or commas. I think these people should avoid the internet. You don't see Mr. No Hands trying his luck with the harp, do you? Same rule applies here. I figure, if you can't type legibly, don't type.

And then there are those who intentionally want to confuse you. I will call these people “Mixed Capitalization Douche Bags.” They type all their sentences like so: “HeLlO Im A dOuCHe bAG!” Why would anyone do this? It just boggles me. If I could ask God only ONE question, it would be about this.

Luckily, if you do a lot of rummaging, wading through all the muck, you may find something worthwhile. Really the best way to insure a safe, eye-sore-free blogging experience, is to avoid the “next blog” button altogether and instead use some kind of search engine. To help you, I’ve added a link to one such search engine, “blogwise,” in the right margin. They screen all the blogs first, at least, which tends to help. Good luck and happy blogging!

14 comments:

BUGGER blogger said...

man... i am so guilty of not using capitals where needed. *runs off to hide in a corner to wallow in despair* oh well.... BAH!

Jeremy said...

That's a minor offense. As long as I can still read something, I don't have a problem. What irks me is when words are thrown together into a big block of matrix-code-like mush. If it takes great effort to read, what's the point?

Anonymous said...

LOL I especially LOVE this post because that is actually how I found your blog...which I happen to love reading. Keep it up!

wilkesyachtingco said...

0mG!!11!!! Lol!!!1! just kidding. never have truer words been spoken, er, typed... except when someone once infomed me that in a chemical world, its very very very cheap... i dont know what that means though.

Jeremy said...

And I don't know about you
But they're putting the holes in, yes, yes

Kis Lee said...

I was thinking the same thing the other day. The few times I've clicked on the evil button, the results weren't very good. Plenty of the MCDBs and a lot of starter blogs with one or two posts.

grace said...

i'm also guilty of all lower case. but i have a reason behind mine. when i type in lower case, it's faster... and it also means i'm not pissed at you.

So if you see an email or a post that is capitalized where it's supposed to be, you know I'm mad at you. :P

grace said...

*unrelated comment* by the way, i just saw your comment on d'n'b...

i had no idea your taste in music was so very fabulous, either! :P

let me know if you find anything worth listening to, okay? :)

Anonymous said...

Funny, that's how I found this blog! I do agree with you, though, most blogs aren't worth reading.

Jeremy said...

Grace: will do--although you're much closer to where that music is progressing than I am. Utah isn't exactly a DnB world hub. I hear new stuff on the internet and sometimes late-night radio. But I'll let you know.

Amber said...

Here's some irony: I just got to your site by pressing that button. I've spent many a post lamenting the very same thing. No wonder a good chunk of society thinks that the whole blogging culture is full of pretentious idiots. At least there are a few of us keeping the standards from completely crashing to the pavement.

Jeremy said...

Well it seems that many have used the Bad Button to find this blog, even though this blog preaches against its use. Just goes to show that sometimes good can indeed come from evil. Another excellent way to make use of the good/evil paradox is murdering Carrot Top.

wilkesyachtingco said...

due to the fact that this thread is mad old, maybe no one will see this... except, perhaps jeremy, who i understand recieces an email notification upon new posts being made. this being the case, perhaps i will direct this to him, as i am sure hes the only one reading it.

so, jeremy, and anyone else, i pushed the button at the top right corner, yes, the curiousity got the better of me, and lo and behold, a blog completley dedicated to , ahem, "mature" pornography.

lesson learned. dont push the button.

Jeremy said...

What is it with buttons that even when you KNOW they are dangerous, you just HAVE to push them? Well, I hope you learned your lesson.

Hurray for email notifications.