Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Obsess Me

I've decided I need an obsession. These days you're hardly living unless you're obsessed with something. I realized this while watching a show on the TV called “Totally Obsessed.” There was a pudgy little woman who was discussing her obsession with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. For those of you who are too young or too old to remember, the Turtles were basically like crack for pre-teen boys. I remember owning the toys and comics, watching the cartoons and movies, treasuring the trading cards, the party accessories. I loved those sassy heroes in a half-shell.

But I had nothing on this lady. More than ten years after the Turtles' slow demise in popularity, this woman still continues to structure her life around them. She spends her free time wearing authentic turtle outfits from the movies, acquired at great expense. “This is my real skin,” she said, her voice muffled behind a rubber Michelangelo head. Minimum wage worker by day, Ninja Turtle by night, this 30-something woman does not slack in her dedication. She has racked up enormous debts to buy the original outfits and weapons. She lives on a diet mostly of pizza with bizarre topping ideas she got from cartoon show. She spent hundreds of dollars taking karate lessons which she demonstrated on her brother in full costume for the camera. Sadly, after dodging a few of her weak punches, he pushed her onto the ground where she remained, breathing hard. So much for the karate.

Perhaps the most revealing moment was when she quoted a few lines about “believing in yourself” from a Turtles On Ice production--clich├ęd advice they likely ripped off from a Hallmark card. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she melodically recited the lines, her face thick with intensity. This woman really was totally and pathetically obsessed.

Isn't it great? This is why I need an obsession. I've gone over some potential things I could be obsessed with but nothing seems to cut it. I'm pretty devout in my religion, but I'd hardly call it an obsession; I leave that to those who participate in pioneer reenactment treks or attend seminars on food storage. I'm a huge fan of Bjork, but despite owning all her albums, attending concerts and having painted her portrait in oils, I still pale in comparison to my old friend Luis, whose love for Bjork is all consuming. (I kid, Luis, but you ARE pretty into her). True there have been brief stints with Mr. Potatohead dolls, furry rodents, and herbal tea but none really qualify for a true obsession.

I suppose all I have left to be obsessed with is…coke. No, not the soda and no, not the narcotic. The baked coal. Yes, without coke how could we get our furnaces hot enough to smelt ore into the iron we so desperately need for steel? Eureka, I've found it! Coke it is.

23 comments:

grace said...

i've always thought i needed a passion, but now i've decided that i, too need an obsession...

i need to find one. let me know if you think of anything good...

i actually started cracking up when i read about that woman getting all choked up... that was awesome.

grace said...

oh, damn. now i have that song stuck in my head.... obsession by animotion... or whoever...

I will have you
Yes, I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly
A wild butterly
I will collect you and capture you

damn you.

erika said...

Nothing screams "I'm a wholesome, well-rounded person" like an unhealthy obsession with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She must be ecstatic that they started playing the show again (although I'm sure she owns every episode on DVD...on second thought, maybe she's a bootleg girl).

I'm thinking I might take up an obsession with those Precious Moments figurines. Do you think that's a good one?

Jeremy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jeremy said...

Haha...that stupid song got stuck in my head while WRITING the post. Songs-stuck-in-the-head can be the worst form of torture. They need to invent a Soma-like drug that can instantly remove said songs. They do have a crude version already on the market (i.e. bashing a hammer to the skull), but I'm still waiting for a painless version to come out.

Jeremy said...

Eck: I think beginning an obsession for Precious Moments figurines is a great idea. Although I don't know you, I'd venture to guess that this will make you a much better person and improve your life drastically. Get yourself to a truck stop pronto.

wilkesyachtingco said...

that show is a mixture of self esteem booster for the viewer crossed with gross facination. like watching a car wreck. i saw an episode featuring a 50 year old man who thinks that he is peter pan, seriously, a pac man freak, and a canadian woman who is obsessed with gaining weight, balooning from a fit, realitivley attractive young lady, to a gargantuine 300+ pounder who, inevitably loves to flaunt all of it in whosever face happens to be watching. i dont know what to say. i have no obsession that would drive me into debt, or foce me to loose my spouse (if i had one) ala the peter pan guy, who chose his peter pan lifestyle over his wife. thats just messed up stuff. i have no eloquent phrase for that. its just messed up.

Jeremy said...

Peter Pan! And I thought the Ninja Turtle lady was hilarious. Really, if that show was being completely honest it wouldn't be called "Totally Obsessed" it would be called "Seriously Ill." This is one step above laughing at retarded kids, I know, but man it's funny.

Mr. What said...

I have seen this show "Totally Obsessed" and I can say those people are out of control. As a previous obsesser of the computer game, Starcraft, I can somewhat relate to those people. But come on people, life is all about going from one obsession to another until you finally find a balance.

BUGGER blogger said...

obsessions are freaky-deaky... i have a friend who obsess over any guy she has a crush on and would suffer a relapse every other day coz she suddenly thinks depressive thoughts. Doesnt do good for your popularity. trust me.

Jeremy said...

I'm glad you did not die in the earthquake, Mr. What.

Mr. What said...

What earthquake? You probably found out about it before me.

grace said...

that song is still in my head. make it stop.

Jeremy said...

I'm going to have a long talk with that earthquake. The whole point of there even being an earthquake is for you to FEEL it. You're supposed to notice a 6.0. Someone isn't doing their job. If Nature doesn't stop slacking I'm going to have start littering again.

C.K. said...

What about boohbahs? You know, the little kids show that comes on PBS in the morning? You could say I'm slightly obsessed, watching it on Tivo with my littl brother. But nothing like the Ninja Turtles lady!

Anonymous said...

completely unrelated:
http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,595093852,00.html

-W

Jeremy said...

Ah, those silly BYU students. If you want to relate that link to this post, say this: BYU students are obsessed with being offended. If you can dream it, a BYU student has been "appalled" by it.

Thanks for the link, "W", IF THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME!

Kis Lee said...

Yeah, those boobahs can cast a spell. They scare me, but I'm fascinated.

Jeremy said...

Aren't boobahs those gumdrop shaped creatures that make farting noises when they move? I've seen my neice watching them. Like teletubbies, this kind of thing is supposed to only appeal to very small children and raver-kids on E. I predict, in the future, such shows will be cut out entirely and replaced by 30 minutes of little flashing lights. Both toddlers and ravers will be just as enthralled, and think of the money saved on budget costs!

C.K. said...

yea, that's boohbahs. it's fasinating in an odd, creepy way. (teletubbies is produced by the same company, just to let you know)

Kis Lee said...

The boobah noises crack me up, and I don't even do E! sometimes i think it's a conspiracy by PBS to warp young kids' minds.

Jeremy said...

Do they teach kids anything though? Or is it just constant farting noises? I didn't watch enough to figure that out. I watched an episode of the teletubbies once--one of the creatures was walking up a hill, then back down again. I suppose it was to teach about "up" and "down." So at least that's SOMETHING. I coudn't keep watching it though--that baby head in the sun was too scary. It laughs and glares down at everything, all evil-like.

Mr. What said...

So has anyone read the article at http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,595093852,00.html

If so did you go to the website: www.icantimmormon.com/

A word of caution: This website uses the word crap and I even saw a picture of a girl's partially exposed stomach. So if you are sensitive avoid this site. I repeat it does use the word crap.

I have to say the site is quite humorous. The products part of the website is a classic example of the tough-guy and high-maintenance girl you will find scattered all over the BYU campus.