Thursday, September 09, 2004

Tamped On

This post is about tampons, as you probably couldn't guess after reading the title. You see, it was a PUN. Get it? You know, “tamped”...the act of tamping.

So tampons. Why would I bring them up, you wonder. Being male, I naturally would not have occasion to use them. Which is precisely my point. They don't concern me, so I'd like to forget they exist.

Why then do commercials try so hard to remind me? I could go my whole life without seeing a tampon commercial and be perfectly fine. But the folks at Tampax just don't seem too concerned about my feelings. I'm regularly exposed to ads where clever menstruaters use their tampons to solve little problems. What luck! You can fix a leaky boat with tampons. Oh rapture! You can use your tampons like a rope. Except these cute little ads still only remind me of what I'd rather not remember; that tampons exist to absorb gooey, bloody discharge.

Some feminine hygiene commercials take it a step further, not even attempting to deliver a message in good taste. I will quote from an ad I saw a year or so ago which has been permanently burned into my memory:

"Some things are kept best among friends. Like painful, burning, feminine itch."

Whoa, way too much detail Ad Lady. If it's kept best among friends, why are you telling the whole world? Yes, the WHOLE WORLD. The orphans in Romania haven’t stopped having nightmares.

Now girls, don't tell me I'm being too squeamish and wimpy and that it's a part of nature and I might as well get used to it. How many commercials do YOU see advertising products to eliminate thick, sweaty back hair on men? It's certainly something that some men deal with, but I seriously doubt anyone wants to be reminded of it.

Alas, I'm throwing up my hands. Really, nothing can be done, since the nature of advertising involves pushing a message through thousands of unintendeds to reach that special target audience. I've accepted that. But can I whine about it anyway? Of course I can. I can also make up verbs like "to tamp.” Don't tamp with me mother-tamper.

10 comments:

girl said...

as u said in ur post u wanted girls not to tell u that ur being too squeamish and stuff. well, i'm a girl and i'm telling you that your not being too squeamish bout the whole thing. i personally agree with most of what ur saying. it should be kept quite...no one talks bout colonostopies so why should women announce to the world about their problems with their bodily functions. it should be left to complaints bout cramps(its only fair) and when a need arrises to borrow something for it. everything else...too bad, women should just keep it to themselves.
so thank you for your post i enjoied reading it bc it was quite entertaining. and from a girl to a guy i'm sorry u have to go thru listening to the commercials and womanly complaints...i feel bad for all men who sit thru those.

Jeremy said...

I suppose being subjected to all this is man's penance for getting out of the pains of childbirth.

But then again I've heard men sometimes get sympathy pains. What the?! Being pain-free is the WHOLE POINT of not having a uterus. Take that away, and what do we have left?

Mr. What said...

I agree completely. I would suggest you stop watching the Lifetime channel. I know how you like watching those emotional, made for TV movies they show on Lifetime, but you must make sacrifices if you want to avoid those tampon commercials.

Life is all about sacrifices.

Jeremy said...

Haha...the sad thing is I have been guilty, on occasion, of watching lifetime channel movies. (shock, horror). I saw one the other day called "The Glow" which was about old people befriending young couples and killing them. Then they make some pink potion out of their bodily fluids which helps keep them alive. This only reaffirmed my deepset belief that the eldery are after our blood. You've been warned.

Mr. What said...

I knew it, that is just the type of movie women like to watch. At least we have the men's channel, SPIKE TV, with ridiculous shows like MXC. I have yet to see a tampon commercial on SPIKE.

Mr. What said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jeremy said...

They should sometime, just to play with our minds.

Tracie said...

LOL, too funny. I was browsing the blogger links and came across this. I have to admit, those commercials are annoying, even to women. That time of the month is not the cutesy thing they try to make it out to be. Kinda humerous that it bugged you enough to write about it. Look at it this way: if you're ever going boating with your girlfriend, she'll have it covered if the boat ever springs a leak! :D

My personal favorite: "Don't tamp with me mother-tamper." lol...thanks for the laugh...

Jeremy said...

You're welcome. But don't be fooled -- there is nothing so trite and insignificant that I won't waste my time writing about it. Next post: stubborn can openers.

wilkesyachtingco said...

i kid you not when i say that i was contemplaitng this very thing today as i was mopping my bathroom floor. not that that has anything to do with the subject matter at hand. i wish that i had something insightfull to say, that might add in some way to your premisis, but i think you have it pretty well covered. i guess i will have to leave it by saying "i second that emotion"