Thursday, September 09, 2004

I Dream of TiVo

TiVo has become my new crack cocaine. Before TiVo, my crack was shopping for furniture, and before that it was herbal tea. Perhaps there was a time when my crack was actual crack, who can say?

Yes, I'm addicted to TiVo. And not because I watch a lot of TV. It's simply this: TiVo makes me powerful. I can pause, rewind, fast-forward and record live TV. Perhaps I can even affect weather patterns. Who can say? TiVo has many powers.

For example, I was watching the very end of the BYU-Notre Dame game last week with some friends, and apparently I missed an amazing catch. Oh no! But was I doomed to a bad reenactment of this momentous event through my feeble imagination? No! Thanks to Tivo, I just pushed the rewind and lived it all over again. (sidenote: it wasn't that cool.)

Sometimes I’m listening to NPR in my car and am temporarily deafened by a loud sound (usually from some dumb semi truck) and end up missing an important point. What was that, Neal Conan? We're still fighting a war on WHAT? The National WHAT is coming in November? I'm listening to “WHAT of the Nation?” So I instinctively reach for the rewind button before I have to stop myself. Holy crap, the radio is not a TiVo! This realization hits me like a thousand voodoo needles. Then I can barely even see the road because I can't stop sobbing.

TiVo would be great in real life too. No longer would you have to sneak peeks at some attractive young thing across the room. Simply reach for the remote, press “pause,” then gaze away. And think of all the dry, meandering conversations you could fast-forward though. Hear that, old man Johnson? Your gardening stories have no power over me.

Yes, life is better with TiVo. But is TiVo better with life? This is the great question of existence. Only God can answer. And I'm sure he will get to it eventually, unless he owns a TiVo, in which case forget about it. He's busy.

6 comments:

Vernon said...

I love Tivo. Whenever I watch TV at someone else's house, if I miss something on a show, for an instant, the instinct to start looking for the remote so that I can rewind hits me, then I realize that there is no Tivo.

Jeremy said...

It hurts, don't it?

Mr. What said...

All you TIVO owners out there, I think society holds you to a higher level of responsibility. You should never miss a show. Us, 'lowly folk' with out a TIVO have an excuse for missing those important TV shows that everyone talks about. But if a TIVO owner misses a show there is no excuse.

So I say, fulfill your responsibility as a TIVO owner and watch those shows! (at your convenience of course)

Anonymous said...

Ahh, good to see more friends w/ Tivo.
And it is possible to miss a show due to schedule conflicts unless you own a DirecTiVo or more than one Tivo. But that's what ranking season passes are for.

-Wilson
(who's had multiple Tivos for years)

Jeremy said...

I've not yet delved into the realm of multi-tivo-ing. That just sounds whacky-crazy. The only reason I got TiVo is because it came with a satellite package -- only $5 more a month for the TiVo box. And it's way cheaper than cable. I've decided that cable is a wicked, wicked way to watch TV. Charles Manson had cable. Hitler? cable. Judas was always watching cable. See the pattern?

Anonymous said...

It's not that crazy... I got a series 1 Tivo free after rebate, 3 DirecTiVos free after rebate, and a series 2 Tivo from Costco, which is more being paid after rebate. Ok, well, maybe that is a little crazy...

-Wilson
(who scammed Circuit City before they could scam him)